Resting in hope from the Divine

Well I have to say that my week started on Monday morning with a stern talking to by my sponsor about how I needed to get off the pity pot, stop feeling sorry for myself, and get grateful.  She might of spoke in a more loving way, but I don't hold resentment towards her for the delivery of the message.  I agree I can to often get feeling "OH WOES ME!".  But I have to say that it was not the primary problem this Monday morning.  That day was probably the weakest my program has ever been thus far.

Every where I turned the food called to me!  Thoughts of longingly looking at Fast Food pictures in windows as I drove by them that morning, on the way to the doctors for lab work, literally plagued me.  I saw for the first time how I would be brought to the point of driving into that drive through to get an order of my drug.  I saw how I would have to make the choice that I no longer cared about my life any more and gave up on myself.  I was truly frustrated with myself and the program I was working.

The conclusion to this has come to the picture I have chosen for this post.  I think the first thought when you see it is from the perspective of a parent or grandparent.  I how ever am looking at it as my young little spirit being held lovingly by my higher power.  As I trudge through this maze of recovery from addictions, I feel my broken wounded soul having just that miracle. A blessing from the divine power that I choose to call God.  I worked out through his strength, love, and clarity that it wasn't 100% self pity or self centeredness I was suffering from.

The answer I felt pressed upon me was I was suffering from a lack of sleep.  The fatigue was always there for the past week.  The weekend was busy and I felt like I was stuck on a hamster wheel I wanted off of A.S.A.P. I felt that I had to deal with first things first.  That number one thing was naps, earlier to bed, and self care.  Now that I have tried to work on that full the last three days, the blessings have started to materialize for me.

I was able to share my feelings with my sponsor yesterday morning and little by slow I have felt the clarity come back to my mind.  I have no idea how I stayed away from the food Monday and Tuesday of this week.  I know I dropped my out reach call tool both days.  I know I prayed for help and I know I was resting at the end of the night in the hope given by the divine.

I'm grateful to be in a better space this Thursday morning.  I hope all of you that read this find it not to long winded and helpful in some way. My pray is we all find peace, strength, and rest in the loving hands of our God as we understand him.